MIA

Yes, I've been MIA for a month now. I know, I know... How would anyone follow this fly-by-night blogger?  At this point I'm really just here to try to make myself accountable again.  I can tell you that nothing exciting has happened with me on the weight loss front in that time. :(  I'm struggling to find motivation and I know that when I blog I hold myself more accountable.

 I need to be here for motivation and inspiration. I know what I need to do, it all makes sense to me in my mind - but actually putting actions behind those words is a different story.  I know that I need to be healthy.  I want to be healthy, slim, fit, strong.  I want to be slim so that I feel good and have more energy, and yes, for vanity's sake, too.  I don't want to be old with ailments and on medication.  I see other people who are sickly and are taking meds for this and that and I'm so thankful that's not me, but if I keep on, it will be me.  I need to look better if I want to attract a mate (I've been single for over 5 years).  I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life.  I'm only 43 years old.  That's not too old to find a mate, is it??  Would I want a mate that is obese?  No, probably not.  At 240 pounds I weigh more than alot of men. O.M.G.  That is a sickening reality.

I emotionally eat. ALOT.  Recently, more than ever before.  I recently became an empty nester, and I think it is affecting me even worse since I'm single.  I'm extremely proud of my daughter and I don't worry about her but what I'm struggling with is my loss of idenity.  I feel like I don't have a purpose right now.  I'm nobody's wife/S.O., and my role as a mother has drastically changed.  I do enjoy my freedom, though.  It is nice to be able to come and go as I please without having to worry about rushing home to cook someone dinner and being able to do what I want without having to answer to others.  BUT, on the other hand, it is sad (is that the right word, idk...) not having someone home waiting for you, or needing you to some degree, or having someone that looks forward to seeing you at the end of the day.

I realize that I need to channel all this emotional eating and free time into exercising.  I could be using all this free time to exercise in the evenings and to go on long walks that will also help clear my mind.  I need to think of being an empty-nester as a positive experience and another step in the direction of my new life.

On another note:  I walked 2 miles last night with my DD and we chatted, which was nice.  What wasn't so nice is that I was walking on flat ground and was huffing and puffing. :(  I remember the days when I could walk so fast that I would practically be jogging.  Those were the days that I got down to 179 pounds. I must get to that point again.  The point where I'm excited about exercise and weight loss.  I can do this.  Again.