Weight Loss Jealousy

Do any of you have someone who is (not so secretly) jealous of your weight loss?

I do. My sister and a friend of mine.

My sister has struggled with her weight all of her life and has tried every diet know to man, not to mention diet pills and herbal remedies.  She isn't willing to do the work (counting calories and exercising) and never loses weight to speak of yet she is constantly "on a diet."  She just had two knees replaced due to her obesity and still has changed nothing about her lifestyle. At this point, I think she's in denial.  Occasionally she'll ask me how I'm doing with my weight loss and when I tell her she doesn't say much. When I hit the 30 pound lost mark she just said, "Good for you" but I could hear the jealousy in her voice and she quickly changed the subject.  I know that she wants me to remain fat right along with her.

The friend that I mentioned is obese and is the woman that I used to walk with back in late winter/early spring. She is oblivious about what it takes to lose weight and, also, unwilling to do the work.  We walked together for about 3 months and then she stopped because she wasn't seeing results and got discouraged. She admitted that she thought with just walking alone (and not getting her food in check) she thought that the weight would "just melt off" (her exact words). After we quit walking I went on to lose 30 pounds and she remains the same, if not heavier.  She is another one that I can just tell by her tone that she is jealous.

I think the real reason that people get so jealous is because they are disappointed in themselves and when they see someone else losing weight and starting to look and feel good, it makes them take a good look at themselves and they don't want to deal with it or do the work that it takes so it comes out as jealousy. Makes me want to leave them in my fat dust clouds ;)

Have any of you had someone jealous of your weight loss?

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I'm still covering two offices. Ugh. One good thing is that I'm leaving work an hour early today and meeting my DD for dinner...not sure where yet, though.

I bought a larger data package for my ipad today so I will have connectivity at home :)

I'm back down to 227. Finally.

Make it a great day!

Busy

I'm slammed at work - covering for my supervisor while she's out. It's not making the time go any faster though.

I lost .8 of the mysterious weight gain. Nothing I can do but keep at it and try not to sweat it.

I've been slacking with exercise lately, I just feel lazy. I know I'll feel better and have more energy if I do it so I must force it tonight. Maybe a walk outside in the fresh air.

I'm off to see what everyone's up to. Work can wait a few minutes ;)

Trying New Foods

I had a nice relaxing weekend.  My daughter treated me to a manicure and pedicure at the beautiful day spa where she works. Later that afternoon she came over and we had a nice visit. Yesterday I didn't do much at all. I did do a little exercise (arms and squats) and my eating was on point all weekend.  I thought for sure I was going to see a drop on the scale this morning but it was actually up 1.4! WTH??? When I saw that I could have screamed because there is no logical reason for the scale to be up that much. There is no way that I ate that many calories - I could see a small fluctuation, but 1.4? IDK wth is going on.  I just gotta keep at it and hope for a big drop tomorrow.  I'm just going by the way my clothes and shoes fit. Yes shoes - my feet are shrinking too! :D

NSV:  My DD told me that after I left the spa that a woman that she works with asked her how much weight I lost and that I really look good. Yay!

 

 

Little by little I'm changing my food over to more healthy options.  I bought coconut oil to try.  I'm not at all familiar with it but have heard that it's supposed to be more healthy. EVOO is still my go-to, but I was curious about coconut oil and since I've been hearing a lot about it, I decided to give it a try. What's surprising is that it is in solid form and doesn't smell like coconut at all - it doesn't smell like anything, and the texture is not as smooth.  I used it to sautee green peppers and I like it. This 16 oz. jar cost $3.99, not bad at all.  Anyone else have any advice/thoughts on coconut oil?

 

I've also subscribed to Mark's Daily Apple and now have a ton of reading to catch up on about primal eating.  I've been reading it here and there for a while but I thought it was time to subscribe.

 

I can't believe that Thursday is August already! This year is flying by.

 

That's it for now.  Make it a great day!

YAY for Friday!

The scale is down .6 so hurray for that.

Not much happening here. Our heat wave finally broke and we've actually been below the average temperature. We've been in the low 80's and it feels wonderful.  Today I get off work at noon so I'm going to go walking outside and get some fresh air and clear my mind this afternoon. My goal is to get the scale to go down by Monday.

The weekend will be quiet. I'm scheduled for a pedicure tomorrow since I cancelled my appointment last week for the yard sale; that's all I have going on.

Have a great weekend all! :)

I Cannot Have Any Sugar

I made the mistake of making Coffee Granita the other day. I thought it would be refreshing and light, and it was. I cut the sugar down to ¼ cup for the whole recipe and omitted the liqueur and whipped cream. It came out perfectly and was delicious.  I ate about a cup last evening and I found myself back in the freezer for more and more. Apparently the little bit of sugar was enough to trigger terrible cravings. I hate that uncontrollable feeling. I ended up dumping the rest of it down the sink. I still have the urge to reach for something sweet this morning and I'll probably be fighting the cravings for the next couple of days. Ugh! Not. Worth. It.

A couple of days ago I noticed that I got cravings from a piece of Doublemint gum, too. Wth? I just feel better the whole way around when I omit all sugar. I don't want to fall back down that slippery slope of cravings and feeling powerless to food. I must maintain control.

The scale has been back and forth for about a week between the same two pounds (228-230); that tells me that I need to track my food more carefully. I've also been slipping in the exercise department for the past several days. Time to get the scale going downward again instead of maintaining.

Thanks to all for the wonderful advice yesterday. It sure helps to get different perspectives.

Let's make it a great day :)

Old Maid Syndrome?

I've been thinking about something lately. I'm getting ready to turn 45 in September. I've been single for 6 years. I haven't had one date since I left my husband 6 years ago. Not one. Will I be single forever? I don't want to be. It's scary to think of dating after all this time and especially now being fat. Let me back up a little...

I met my ex-husband when I was 20, got married when I was 22 and had my daughter when I was 23. We stayed married for 16 years. I think we got married too young and didn't really know how to make a relationship work so the marriage started to crumble around year 13, but we tried to hang on and make it work. Sadly we couldn't.

I was thin when I met my husband and was thin for most of the marriage. Towards the end I would eat emotionally for comfort from my failing marriage and started gaining weight. Then my mom died and I gained even more weight. My ex despised that I gained weight and would make cracks about how he won't have a fat girl for a wife - so I ate more. That showed him didn't it? The marriage continued to deteriorate.

Finally I couldn't take any more and moved out with my DD. More emotional eating and weight gain. I'd never lived on my own before and I was afraid of the unknown. Funny, after I moved out my ex and I got along good - there was no more pressure to make it work with him and I only had to answer to me now. I started following WW and exercising and weight loss followed. My ex would come to pick up my DD and would hang around long after he should have gone, bought me presents and even called to tell me that he missed me. Too little too late...the feelings were gone.

I continued to drop the weight and went on to lose 63 pounds in 2009-2010. I was still low on confidence and wouldn't go anywhere to socialize or meet friends let alone men. I'm an introvert and was mostly satisfied to be a homebody. I would talk with men but due to my low self esteem, I would quickly retreat at any sign of flirting. After all, who would want a fat divorcee?

Fast forward to 2013 and I've gained the weight back (half of which is now back off) and I'm still alone, still an introverted homebody and growing older by the minute with an empty nest. It's time for a change. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. It's time to get a life. But how do I get back out in the dating world as a fat woman without having an official date in 24 years? O.M.G!!!

Talk about scary! here are some of the thoughts that run through my head:

• I wonder how I really look to men and what they think of me.
• Even though I'm losing weight what will they think when they find out that I used to weigh 258 pounds. Will they be an ass like my ex - afraid of having a fat girl?
• Afraid of someone to see me naked again.
• I'll never find anyone "good". After all, you gotta' have good bait to catch a big fish, right?

Then on the other hand I think:

• Why are you selling yourself short? You're not as bad as you think.
• There are plenty of fat women that I see with good looking men - if they can find someone so can I. Did they find them as fat girls or did they get fat while they were with them?
• Why do I think that fat girls are unworthy of love???

Then I think: It's my low self esteem talking. I'm not as bad as I think. I'm halfway attractive, I have a good job, a nice house and car, good morals and sense of humor, don't drink or smoke, I'm working on bettering myself inside and out, I'm a good mother....Why am I selling myself short? When I compare myself to some other women I know, hell, I'm a prize! LOL

Anyway, it's a lot to think about. I guess I'll just continue to work on myself inside and out and the confidence will come and hopefully that will attract someone. But I realize that I have to be open to catching someone's eye, to maybe saying "hello" first. To getting out the house and being seen.

It's time for me to be happy and live for me. Time to share my life with/look forward to spending time with someone again.

Time to lose this weight and find myself.

Randomness

I've been busy lately and haven't had a chance to post.

The weekend was good, we had a yard sale and made a couple bucks while getting rid of unwanted junk. DD and I discovered a new, cute café where I got a delicious Greek salad. We also went to a flea market, it was fun to browse.

Yesterday I woke up so lazy and tired so I decided at the last minute to take a vacation day and slept in. I got an idea to upgrade my car so I got preapproved at my bank and then visited 3 car lots yesterday and test drove a 2011 Nissan Altima. Very nice. After some figuring I decided to wait until I have a little more equity built up in my current vehicle so I can get a better deal.

Eating has been good, I haven't been exercising but I've been doing a lot of running around and being active. The scale is down a pound from the last time I weighed in, so all is well. Today isn't as hot as it has been so I think I'll walk this evening.

I need to get caught up with this pile on my desk my co-worker won't be here for the rest of the week and I'll be covering for her also.

That's it for now. I'm off to see what everyone else is up to.

Mind games

It is SO HOT here in Virginia. It was already 75° when I woke up at 6:30 this morning. Temps have been in the 90s for weeks. Time for a break.

TOM has arrived and the scale is up 1.5 pounds. I think it's a combo of bloat and salt from eating kalamata olives and feta cheese. Now it's a waiting game to get it back off :\

I'm aggravated that the scale went up, even though there is a logical reason why, and I know that scale fluctuations are perfectly normal, it still bothers me.

Then the thoughts start coming: "You can't do this - you're going to gain all the weight back."

Even though I lost 30 pounds and my clothes keep getting bigger and I can fit into clothes that used to be too small, I somehow think I'm still the weight that I was 30 pounds ago. Even though I can see my body transforming in the mirror, it's like the weight loss isn't real and that I'm going to wake up with all of the weight back on again. I hate those thoughts. Why do they come? These are constant reminders that as we lose weight we have to work on our minds as well as out bodies.

NSVs :)
I'm able to fit into 3 pairs of pants that used to be too small and a girl that I work with commented on my weight loss yesterday and said that I'm looking great these days :)

Today is a half work day for me and I'm going to get my oil changed this afternoon. Tomorrow DD and I are having a yard sale so I will be pricing items and loading my car this evening so I don't think I'll have time for exercise. Maybe I can at least do the resistance bands for my arms.

Is it worth it to you?

I was thinking about building self-confidence the other day and I kept thinking of this quote from Eleanor Roosevelt:

 

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do."

 

In the beginning we don't think we can lose weight or exercise because it's too hard. It's too much work/too expensive to eat healthy. We believe we can't do it, but we can.

 

 

 

 

The other day I was hot and lazy and I didn't feel like straining to do a hard workout video.

 

On one hand - I knew if I didn't exercise that I would feel fat and gross and I would feel like I was letting myself down. Again. I've had too many years of that.

 

On the other hand - I reminded myself that exercise is what it takes for me to get this weight off and to be healthy so I sucked it up and did a 50 minute video.  Afterward I felt great and refreshed and was glad I pushed myself to do it. I felt great inside and out and like I was accomplishing something.

 

Then I realized something. I am slowly building self confidence. If I did it today I can do it another day and another. No more am I sitting on the couch being lazy when my body is craving movement. No longer am I eating junk when my body is craving whole foods. I am doing this. Success breeds success.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Turning Point

What was your turning point for wanting to lose weight and live a healthy lifestyle?

For me, it was rapid heartbeat. Sure I wanted to/knew I needed to lose weight but I would always have an excuse of why I couldn't start "today" and I'd put it off and eat something else fattening. But the rapid heartbeats scared me. Every once in a while I'd even feel a slight fluttering in my chest. Scared the shit out of me. I remember lying in bed and feeling my heart beating so fast like I'd been jogging or something. But I was lying down. What was happening was I was stuffing myself to the point of being overly full and my body was working extra hard to process the food, not to mention the stress on it from carrying all that extra weight around.

I remember around that time watching an episode of Dr. Oz talking about the recommended resting heart rate and to measure it first thing in the morning before getting out of bed. His recommendation was 80 beats per minute or less. I don't remember what mine was exactly but it was over 100. I didn't want to have a heart attack so I got scared into action. The weird heartbeats stopped as soon as I started exercising and lost a few pounds; it didn't take long at all. It was almost like a dog that parks continuously because it wants to go for a walk and as soon as the owner walks it, the barking stops.

I measured my heart rate the past two days before getting out of bed and it was 58 beats per minute each day. Hell yeah! Now that's what I'm talking about. :D

We have the control within us, we just need to put it to work. Keep the power with you. Don't let the fat win.

Make it a great day.

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The point of power is always in the present moment.

Milestone: 30 Pounds Gone!

 

I hit a huge milestone over the weekend; I've lost 30 pounds! I'm so excited! I weighed in at 227.2 this morning so I'm safely in the 20's without fear of slipping back over the line. I feel great and I've really been in the zone lately :D

I thought today would be a fun time to reflect back on how I used to eat (prior to 2009 - I've progressively been eating healthier since then)compared to now:


Breakfast then:  Soda and candy bar or pastry from a convenience store on the way to work or sugary cereal.

Breakfast now:  Egg and cheese or fruit, once in a while turkey bacon or sausage, nuts.
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Lunch then:  Always some sort of fast food-type meal, with large fries and soda, of course.

Lunch now:  Romaine-based salad loaded with veggies and sometimes chicken breast or cheese thrown in, a small amount of fruit.
__________

Dinner then:  An example of a typical dinner would be spaghetti and meatballs topped with tons of parmesan cheese, 4 pieces of garlic bread, salad with a lot fat-laden dressing.

Dinner now: Usually chicken breast or fish, sometimes I will treat myself to steak, rarely pork, large side of veggies.
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Dessert then:  Usually a huge bowl of ice cream, chips and soda or some sort of pastry

Dessert now:  Fruit
__________

Exercise then:  none

Exercise now:  Approximately 45 minutes a day/5-6 days a week mix of cardio and strength training
__________

Way of eating then:  Anything goes

Way of eating now:  Primal

Even though I gave up alot of foods, I don't feel deprived. I feel more healthy and in control. I feel satisfied on less food and "cleaner" on the inside. I get around better with less aches and pains. I feel better all around.
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Brace yourself for the not-so-great pics, but you can see a little progress now:

 

The picture on the left was taken in May.  The one on the right this past weekend.

 

Looking at the before picture makes me ill. I knew I was fat but I didn't realize how fat.  I'm thankful I'm on the right path now.

 

Make it a great day!  :D

 

Friday and the dreaded appointment

Happy Friday! I love my half work-days on Friday. :)

I hit 230.0 on the scale this morning - what a tease!

This morning I had my dreaded yearly gyno exam. (Sorry Marc, lol) Hurray that I'm good for another year!  The good news is that my blood pressure was 104/80, I was thrilled with that. The doctor also commented on my weight loss and asked how I was losing it. When I told her no grains, sugar, processed foods she just smiled and shook her head while jotting in my file. YAY!

That's it for today. Short and sweet. Have a great weekend all! :)

Thursday

Down another .4 this morning. :)

Last evening I bumped up to the second level of Slim in 6. It was 48 minutes of fast, non-stop, high-impact exercise. It's kind of aerobic-like, with some yoga and stretching at the end. I struggled doing some of the exercises, like the mule kicks (that went on forever - my legs were on fire!) and I had to do the modified move for the pushups. I just did the best that I could and hopefully each time I will be able to do a little more. I really had to talk myself into doing it but once I got going I was okay and then after I felt great. I can never remember a time that I regretted exercising after the fact.

NSV:  I have a pair of pants on today that used to be too small! They actually fit perfectly, too, not even tight. Love it.

Our health insurance at work has this new thing going where it is promoting a healthy lifestyle with monetary incentives. If we complete a health assessment online they will give us a $17/month break on our premium for 6 months (which I've done). Now they've added that if we get a biometric screening that they'll extent the rewards for another 6 months. I Have mine scheduled for next month - they have someone coming to my work and we don't have to pay for it. I had one done last December and I'm curious to see if my results will be any better this time since I've lost some weight and have been eating primally for 3 months now.

That's it for now. Make it a great day!

Catching Up

Time for an update since it's been a few days since I last posted.

4th of July was uneventful. I stayed home and exercised, eating was on plan. The evening of the 4th my brother called me from PA and said that he and his wife were going to come visit on Saturday, the 6th and spend the night. Oh holy hell! The control freak in me hates last minute plans like that. I like to know "the deal" well in advance so I can get a plan together for meals and entertainment. This left me scrambling to call my sister and DD and trying to pull a plan together at the last minute as well as trying to plan out meals.

After a few back and forth calls, my brother said that since he was popping in with short notice that he would either take us all out for dinner or we could order pizza in and for us not to go to any trouble cooking and so on. I left it up to him since he was the one paying and he decided on pizza in so we could stay in and visit more (and I was fine with that so I could have more control over my food). But, PIZZA! Oh no! I knew I needed to get to the grocery store so that I would have something to eat. I decided to buy stuff to make a huge antipasto salad loaded with veggies, ham, provolone, salami, olives and pepperoncini. At least I could eat that. My brother stopped at a farmers market on the way down and brought with him a watermelon and a cantaloupe that were as sweet as sugar. I also made cupcakes and brownies and bought chips and snack mix for the others. (I was the only one watching what I was eating and had to feed the crowd something.) I had salad, fruit, a glass of lemonade and a half of a small brownie. I also picked some cashews out of the snack mix. My sister asked if I was going to have any pizza and my SIL mumbled something about me being on the caveman diet and not eating grains. (I didn't tell her about it but I did tell my brother about it on the phone a few weeks prior, so they had to be talking about me being "on" it.) My sister said in a know-it-all voice, "So you're just not eating complex carbs." I told her that it was a little different and there was more to it than that without getting into details because I know that they don't get it or want to hear it. My sister said, "Well, I don't eat grains either." I explained to her that she does eat grains: flour, rice, pasta, corn, oatmeal... I could see everyone's eyes glaze over and my sister got a shitty look on her face so I promptly shut up. I know what they were all thinking - "oh, she's on one of those fad diets." They are all oblivious to living a healthy lifestyle.  Especially my sister who just had both knees replaced due to her obesity and she wanted to order a Philly Cheese Steak pizza (which didn't get ordered - probably to her dismay.) She likes the idea of losing weight but she doesn't want to do the work to make it happen, therefore, she doesn't want me to lose weight either. Jealousy is a bitch.

I sent all the baked goods, pizza and chips home with everyone else so I wouldn't be tempted to eat it when I was home alone. I felt good and in control. Even though I did indulge in a tiny piece of brownie and a glass of lemonade, I felt good resisting the other food crap. I was rewarded with seeing 232.6 on the scale.

The next morning we went to my DD's house where she prepared a healthy breakfast buffet (she's eating primally, too, so no problem there).

Nobody noticed or commented that I've lost weight. I've lost 26 pounds now and I know they can tell at least a little bit, but no comments. :/

The action on the scale has slowed down but it's still creeping in the right direction and that's progress for now. I'm trying to kick it up a notch. I must drink more water. I've been doing my Slim in Six videos, which have three phases and tonight I move to the medium phase, which is tough and lasts for 45 minutes. God help me have the energy to do it. I must focus and keep my eyes on the prize.

Oh yeah - somehow I got freakin' poison ivy, too!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's it for now. make it a great day.

Blogger Problems

I'm having problems with blogger and have been trying to post for days. It will not let me compose. I finally clicked the HTML button and it now lets me compose but all of the buttons that I need (formatting buttons and left side bar in dashboard) are gone. WTF. I'm not good at this and it's driving me crazy trying to figure it out. :( If anyone has any suggestions, please comment me. Meanwhile, I'll keep messing with it. Sigh...

Long Weekend :)

Who's ready for a 4-day weekend? I am!

Today is a post of randomness...

I don't have an "real" plans for the weekend, just playing it by ear. I was invited to two cookouts on the 4th, but politely declined.  I'm an introvert and would rather be by myself most of the time.  I've never felt the "need" to be around other people; there are times when I do get lonely but for the most part I'm satisfied being alone.  Is that weird?  Maybe to you. Normal for me. 



People get on my nerves quickly and then I'm ready to go off by myself again. It would be nice to have a man in my life again, though. Someday... Even family gets on my nerves, except my DD. We are supposed to go see "The Heat" either Friday or Sunday.
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Last night I did a 30 minute exercise video, I had to force exercise because I was so lazy yesterday but I sure felt better when I was done. I'm down .6 this morning to 233.0. I cannot get out of this decade fast enough!
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NSV for me: The pants that I have on today are dragging the ground with flats. They are getting baggy and loose at the waist but they still fit, just getting longer so apparently by butt is shrinking even though I can't really tell that much in the mirror.
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I got my Penzeys Spice catalog in the mail yesterday that Gwen recommended.  I think I'm going to order two kinds and give them a try. They sure do look good.
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Have a wonderful 4th of July all and let's all have a great report on Monday.  I'm hoping to I will be at least 232.something ;)

Busy!

Work is slammed and I'm trying to get caught up since I'm off Thursday and Friday this week. Yippee!

Eating and exercise are great, I've been alternating exercise between walking, squats and exercise videos. The scale is inching downward (233.6) :D

Yesterday I got my new ipad and set it up during work. I still have a few things that I need to set up and I have to get a cellular card for it so I can use it at home, and I'm good to go. I got a white one with a pretty pink case. :)

That's it for now, I'm going to steal a few minutes from work and catch up on everyone's blogs.