Being Kinder to myself

Why is it easier to be our own worst enemy rather than our own best friend? That's usually the way it goes...

For the past couple of weeks my weight loss has stalled. There for a while I was on roll with the weight coming off nicely. I wasn't counting calories, just eating primal and having sensible portions.  Somewhere I started veering off the path. I'm in no way making excuses but here's what I think happened (I need to own it in order to move on)...

 I decided to start tracking in MyFitnessPal. I plugged in that I wanted to lose 1.5 pounds a week and it told me that I could eat 1600 calories a day. That seemed like a lot, but I ate them, and my portions slowly started growing from what I had been eating. I'd watch the scale go up one day and down the next, basically I've been maintaining. I've recently adjusted MyFitnessPal to allow myself 1200 calories a day.

I've also been slacking on the exercise. One day off turned into another, turned into more than a week. I was starting to feel stiff again and I don't like it at all. Once you get out of exercising, it's so hard to get back at it. I was also getting discouraged that the scale wasn't moving and that didn't help with my motivation. I know how good I feel when I'm in the groove and exercising several times a week and I want that back again. I want that loose, flexible feeling of a healthy body. This morning I got up early and did a two mile walking video and this evening I'm going to go arm exercises. I know that a few days in and I'll start feeling great again.  I'm glad that I knew enough to get these two things in check.

I have been eating good though (other than too much). My fridge is packed with produce. I actually think I have more in there that I can eat before it goes bad. I'm still buying and making too much than one person can eat - especially when it's fresh perishable produce. I'm not going to buy anything else until I use up what I have.

I've been beating myself up about this stall for about a week now. I must be kinder to myself. I must focus on the positive:  I never give up, I'm learning more everyday (I'm thankful that I WANT to learn and am open-minded), I'm healthy despite being obese and don't take any medications, I'm making it on my own as a single woman and don't need a man to live off of, like many women I know, I have this blog community of amazing people for inspiration and support. Life is good. I'm being too hard on myself for a minor setback. I must learn to be my own best friend.

That being said, I weighed in at 227.8 this morning.  Let's see what I can accomplish this week :)

Is it worth it to you?

I was thinking about building self-confidence the other day and I kept thinking of this quote from Eleanor Roosevelt:

 

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do."

 

In the beginning we don't think we can lose weight or exercise because it's too hard. It's too much work/too expensive to eat healthy. We believe we can't do it, but we can.

 

 

 

 

The other day I was hot and lazy and I didn't feel like straining to do a hard workout video.

 

On one hand - I knew if I didn't exercise that I would feel fat and gross and I would feel like I was letting myself down. Again. I've had too many years of that.

 

On the other hand - I reminded myself that exercise is what it takes for me to get this weight off and to be healthy so I sucked it up and did a 50 minute video.  Afterward I felt great and refreshed and was glad I pushed myself to do it. I felt great inside and out and like I was accomplishing something.

 

Then I realized something. I am slowly building self confidence. If I did it today I can do it another day and another. No more am I sitting on the couch being lazy when my body is craving movement. No longer am I eating junk when my body is craving whole foods. I am doing this. Success breeds success.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



No Excuses

Today I was hoping to hit 235.something on the scale, but I didn't. I hit 234.8!!!! OCD me even weighed three times to make sure it was real. It was. YES!!! I'm now on the downside to getting out of the 30s and I can't freakin' wait! One more pound and I'm down 25 pounds. I'm finally starting to notice a slight change in my appearance.

No excuses that it's too hot to exercise:  It has been in the 90s here and so humid for about a week now. Yesterday didn't seem as bad so as soon as I got off work I decided to go walking early so that I'd be done exercising in time to watch Extreme Weight Loss. I was determined to get in 3 miles. It was so hot that I could only eek out 2.5 miles. I kept thinking, "it's only another half mile, just to it" but I started feeling a tiny bit light headed and weak so I stopped. I  got back to the car and cranked up the air and got chills even though I was dripping sweat. Heat exaustion symptoms! I'm glad I listened to my body. I went home and chugged water and ate a light supper of an egg muffin, cherry tomatoes and cherries.  I actually liked exercising early to get it over with and also, I wasn't really hungry after exercising so I ate less.

No excuses that you don't have time to exercise:  Over the years I would see this cozy couple at the high school track where I usually walk – they are probably in their mid-30s or so. I've talked to them several times before and the girl would always say how she wanted to get fit because her husband is and she felt like she needed to keep up with him (he would jog, she would walk). Both are very friendly and she is real cute and is from South Africa and has a pretty accent. Over time she finally built herself up to jogging. I hadn’t seen them around for a while but last night here they come jogging with a stroller!!! She had a baby – he’s 15 months old already - that’s why I hadn’t seen them for a while and now she’s back at it. I thought good for you for not making excuses, she just takes her baby with her. I congratulated them both and told them what a great example they were setting for their child. The man told me that I was very kind for saying that. Who knows? Maybe that little comment will motivate them more, too ;)

No excuses that you aren't able to exercise:  Did anyone watch Extreme Weight Loss last night? (If not - SPOILER ALERT!) Love that show! It is so inspiring and always makes me cry. The young man that was on there last night (age 23) only had one arm (lost in a car accident at age 19) and worked his ass off, literally, and lost over 200 pounds in a year through eating and exercise alone. He also realized his dream of learning to ride a bike. He had never even learned as a child when he had two arms but he learned with one arm and an obese body and rode 43 miles in memory of his uncle. So inspiring...

Let's make it a great day with no excuses.

Build Me Up Buttercup

I want to work on building up my strength/stamina. I had a reality check last night...

Last evening it was too hot to walk outside so I cranked down the A/C and did 20 minutes of a kickboxing video (lots of high-energy kicking and punching, as you can imagine). I was so tired and dripping sweat when I finished. I know this is a good thing, but this is a video that used to be pretty easy for me a couple of years ago when I lost alot of weight. (For those of you that aren't familiar, I lost 63 pounds back in 2009/2010 but have since gained it all, plus more, back.) This was a reality check for me in two ways: how out of shape I have gotten (again), and how strong I was getting before and didn't even realize it at the time.

When I started on this journey back in 2009 I was 242 pounds and could barely walk a quarter of a mile at a time. Over the course of a little over a year, following Weight Watchers and blogging, I lost 63 pounds, dropped 3 dress sizes and built myself up to walking anywhere from 4-7 miles, most days of the week. I was in the zone, I tell you, and I felt fabulous. On days that I wouldn't walk outside (usually rainy days, because I loved being out in the sunshine and fresh air - or in the winter) I would do exercise videos and slowly built myself up to the harder ones. I was getting a good mix of cardio and strength training.

Last night I got to thinking of what I used to do, exercise-wise, and how strong I was getting at the time and didn't even realize it. I want to get there again. I WILL get there again. That's when I was in the zone and the weight was coming off nicely. Now I'm eating better that I ever have in my life. I still count WW points, only to keep track of my calories, but eating primally now. If I can build myself up to that exercise level that I had before, while eating primally, I'm going to be hard to handle, LOL. It's going to be hard, for sure, but I can do it. It was hard the first time and I did it. I have to keep remembering how fabulous I felt wearing clothes that fit better, having a better clothing selection, how great I would feel when people would compliment me on my weight loss, how much more energy I had, how I felt more feminine and attractive, how my aches and pains disappeared.

This time around I started out at 258 (ugh!) and I'm now down to 236. I've gotten my craving under control, since going primal, and I continue to work on my emotional eating. I'm starting to feel better and slowly starting to see a change in my body and clothes. Now to build on my strength/stamina...

Eyes on the prize. I can do this. Again.

MIA

Yes, I've been MIA for a month now. I know, I know... How would anyone follow this fly-by-night blogger?  At this point I'm really just here to try to make myself accountable again.  I can tell you that nothing exciting has happened with me on the weight loss front in that time. :(  I'm struggling to find motivation and I know that when I blog I hold myself more accountable.

 I need to be here for motivation and inspiration. I know what I need to do, it all makes sense to me in my mind - but actually putting actions behind those words is a different story.  I know that I need to be healthy.  I want to be healthy, slim, fit, strong.  I want to be slim so that I feel good and have more energy, and yes, for vanity's sake, too.  I don't want to be old with ailments and on medication.  I see other people who are sickly and are taking meds for this and that and I'm so thankful that's not me, but if I keep on, it will be me.  I need to look better if I want to attract a mate (I've been single for over 5 years).  I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life.  I'm only 43 years old.  That's not too old to find a mate, is it??  Would I want a mate that is obese?  No, probably not.  At 240 pounds I weigh more than alot of men. O.M.G.  That is a sickening reality.

I emotionally eat. ALOT.  Recently, more than ever before.  I recently became an empty nester, and I think it is affecting me even worse since I'm single.  I'm extremely proud of my daughter and I don't worry about her but what I'm struggling with is my loss of idenity.  I feel like I don't have a purpose right now.  I'm nobody's wife/S.O., and my role as a mother has drastically changed.  I do enjoy my freedom, though.  It is nice to be able to come and go as I please without having to worry about rushing home to cook someone dinner and being able to do what I want without having to answer to others.  BUT, on the other hand, it is sad (is that the right word, idk...) not having someone home waiting for you, or needing you to some degree, or having someone that looks forward to seeing you at the end of the day.

I realize that I need to channel all this emotional eating and free time into exercising.  I could be using all this free time to exercise in the evenings and to go on long walks that will also help clear my mind.  I need to think of being an empty-nester as a positive experience and another step in the direction of my new life.

On another note:  I walked 2 miles last night with my DD and we chatted, which was nice.  What wasn't so nice is that I was walking on flat ground and was huffing and puffing. :(  I remember the days when I could walk so fast that I would practically be jogging.  Those were the days that I got down to 179 pounds. I must get to that point again.  The point where I'm excited about exercise and weight loss.  I can do this.  Again.

Time for a change.

Time for a change for sure!

TIme to eat healthy.

Time to exercise.

Time to drink more water.

Time to think positive.

Time to be inspired by others.

Time to motivate myself.

Time to get things rolling in the right direction.

This mornings weight = 219.0. Down exactly 2 pounds and into a new decade. Now to keep things going...