Digging Myself Out

I feel like I may be digging myself out of the rut that I'm in.  I'm slowly starting to feel better and more in control.  I've been exercising and eating healthy lately and that has greatly improved my mood and outlook - not to mention more energy already.

I've been alternating different exercises to keep from getting bored.  I've done kettlebell and kickboxing dvds and last night I went for a 30 minute walk around the neighborhood.  It was chilly and getting dark but I bundled up and went anyway.  It felt good to get out in the fresh, crisp air.  There was a chilly breeze and I could smell leaves and fresh cut grass.  Love it - it's like aromatherapy.

I still have a problem staying away from the scale but I know that I need to so I won't drive myself insane with the daily fluctuations.  I'm happy to report, though, that I've had a loss for the past three days.  I weighed in at 242.2 this morning.  I know that the daily losses will not continue so I must stay away from the scale for fear of seeing a gain and then I'll be discouraged again.  I need to set a day once a week that I will weigh and just work my ass off all week to see a loss on that day.  It would be more exciting to see a bigger loss once a week anyway, rather than tiny losses every couple days (and, of course, the dreaded fluctuations).  I think I will set the weigh day for Monday that way I will have more motivation to stay in control over the weekend.

Straight after work today I go for my second appointment with the counselor.  I'm not sure if I want to continue to go yet, but I thought I'd give it another shot and see how I feel after this appointment.  I would like to try to talk about why I keep worrying about things that aren't even true, or things that I fear might happen.  That is where I keep sabatoging myself. I need to focus on today.  It's hard to focus on myself after I've put myself on the back burner for years; it almost seems selfish, but it's not.  I know that being the best me that I can be would put me in a better position to be there for my family, as well.

So, my goal for today is to get through the therpay appointment and to still get 30 minutes of exercise in even though I'll be getting home late.  I can do this.  One day at a time.