Mid-week

Thank goodness this is the halfway point through the week.  Work is still keeping me very busy covering two offices.

Last night walking buddy and I walked for 35 minutes in the park and got about a mile and a half done before it got too dark.  I'm really shocked that she is keeping at it and doing as well as she is.  I'm glad too.  She wants to lose weight but doesn't really know what do do but start moving.  I want to help her but I don't want to come off like I'm telling her what to do/come on too strong, either.  It's a fine line.  I tell her tidbits here and there and then kind of ease back to see her reaction or it she'll ask questions.  I know that she doesn't eat well but I told her to only worry about one thing at a time, for now that is to get moving; later when she's ready she can start working on her eating habits; that way she won't become overwhelmed.  I keep thinking back to when I started on this journey and how I changed little by little so I wasn't overwhelmed.  Plus, it takes a while to learn healthy ways- it just doesn't come all at once.  I hope she sticks with it. 

When I got home from walking I made another BIG SALAD (lol!)  for dinner and I cooked a piece of sirloin steak.  I don't usually buy beef but I had a piece in the freezer so I sauteed onions with it and I just started whipping stuff together and it was SO GOOD!  I added Worstershire sauce and a little tomato paste to the onions.  Damn, was it good.  I ate half of the steak, which was 3 oz., and planned on saving the other half for this evening's dinner.  I could not resisit that tender, tasty meat and I ended up eating the other half, too.  The hell of it is, is that I had already placed the second half of the steak in a container and had it ready to go in the fridge, but I took it out and ate it!  Hog.  I felt guilty afterwards and I thought for sure I was going to have a sodium gain this morning from the Worstershire sauce and tomato paste but I was pleasantly surprised when I only gained .2 this morning.  That should peel off, plus some, by tomorrow morning.  I was disappointed in myself for not resisting the urge though.

I wrote this message on the chalkboard in my kitchen:   Don't give up what you want most, for what you want now. 

Tonight's plan is more walking outside if it's not raining and if it is, some sort of exercise video and kettlebell arm exercises no matter what.

Hope everyone is staying on track.

The Big Salad

This morning I've entered into a new decade - the 240's (for about the 3rd time!) New mini goal 245.  When I think about how many times I've been here I could puke, but... all that matters is now.  I have to focus on NOW.  The past is no longer. Today is all there is.



Last night me and the walking buddy did 35 minutes.  She was able to walk at a brisker pace last night so we covered more ground in less time.  We did about a mile and a half.  I came back home and watched Seinfeld and ate a big salad and some strawberries for dinner.  Everytime I eat a big salad I think about Elaine on Seinfeld and how she always ordered a big salad at the diner.  Love me some Seinfeld.

Who watched Biggest Loser last night?  If not - **SPOILER ALERT**  How about that food temptation challange last night?  How about Alex stuffing that food into her mouth and ACTUALLY GAGGING because she didn't think anyone could see her?  OMG.  I don't like her or Francelina - her hair is so damn distracting.  I think my favorites right now are Danni and Jackson.  I thought that spotlight challenge was pretty cool and would have liked to have been in on that one.  **END SPOILER**  I exercised through all of the commercials for the first hour (I thought of you Sunny).  I told myself I would do kettlebell exercises for my arms and before I knew it I was doing kettlebell swings and squats, too.  Yay me! I have got to try to drink more water this week.

That's it for today.  Let's make it a great day!

Walking...

I'm happy to report that I lost 1.2 pounds this past week. 

The walking buddy that I told you about last week asked me to go walking again after work this evening so that's good that she wants to give it another go.  I'm surprised, really, but glad.  The weather is very mild today - like 55 so it will be very nice for walking.  I walked by myself Saturday and Sunday, it really clears my mind.  Yesterday I tried to do this yoga video that my DD gave me and I could only do like 1/3 of the moves and then I finally gave up on it as the moves became progressively harder.  Yoga is not made for a 250 pound woman...

I stayed up late last night watching the Grammys and it was hard to get up this morning.  No turning in early tonight either since it's Biggest Loser night!!!  I can't wait.

Now I'm off to see what the rest of you are up to.

Oh, Happy Friday!

I cannot explain how relieved that I am that it's Friday; this has been one long week.  Covering two offices for over two weeks now has really kept me hoppin' and so far there is no end in sight.  I'm looking forward to a relaxing weekend.



So last evening I met up my friend and we walked for about 40 minutes in 35° weather.  It was actually refreshing and we had a nice time chatting.  This was my friends first time walking so I had to walk a little slower than I normally would have but that's okay.  I'm curious to see if she'll want to go again.  She said that she enjoyed it and couldn't believe how good she felt afterwards and was surprised that exercising actually gave her energy.  It felt wonderful for me to get out in the fresh air.  It's like therapy for me and it clears my mind.  I can exercise inside but that gets old to me quick; walking outdoors is the only thing I never tire of.

My mind has been going non-stop lately thinking about where I am in life and where I want to be.  I'm content with my life but not happy.  I want to be happy.  I've been working on the inside for the past several years, spiritually and emotionally, working on being happy with who I am, because I know that we create our own happiness, it is not a destination, like they say.  I've come so far, but my journey will never end.  I want the outside of me to match this "new inside" of me.  I want a makeover for this next phase of my life.  I want to be slim and confident with the way that I look.  I don't want to avoid ceratin situations because of the way that I look.  And when I get to this point, I know that I will attract Mr. Right and I will have lined myself up inside and out to have a wonderful, real, lasting adult relationship.  I can't wait to see what's in store for me this year. Life is what I make it.  I'd better get busy.

Make it a great day.

Get Moving!

Time to get my ass moving again!  I just looked on the calendar and there are only 30 more days until Daylight Savings Time and the days become noticeably gloriously longer.  Of course I had to count down the days until spring, too - 41!  It will be here before you know it!  Unsually once we hit March, spring is here in a flash.  Every year I say that I want to slim(er) by warm weather - and I usually fail.  It's time to get my ass moving again!  The clock is ticking!  What am I waiting for?? I used to LOVE to exercise when I lost over 60 pounds 3 years ago.  I keep trying to think of how I got to that point of actually loving to exercise.  How did I get from being able to only walk 10 minutes at a time to walking up to 7 miles a day?  How did I get that obsessed feeling and HOW DO I GET IT BACK?  I've just got to keep eating right, move my body, start feeling better and watch the scale drop.  Repeat.  That's how I got that groove/feeling before and that's how I will get it again.

A friend of mine asked me to walk with her tonight.  She is obese and has never walked before and wants to give it a try.  I can tell that she sort of  wants to make a change but she's not sure if she wants to do the work that it takes to get there.  I just told her to ease into it slowly and that we'll walk and chat and see what happens.  I hope that she likes it and that we can inspire each other.

Speaking of inspiring each other...  I want to thank all of you amazing women for being here for me on a daily basis, putting up with my highs and lows and never failing to inspire and motivate me or to slap me back into place.  Thanks for all of the laughs and wonderful advice.  Thanks for making this a place that I look forward to come to for the support that I need.  <3 

This place helped me lose the 60+ pounds three years ago and I know it will do the same for me again.

Stressed out!!!!!!!!

I had a bad day yesterday.  I backed into one of those yellow cement thingys that keep you from hitting stuff yesterday in the parking lot at work and did some damage to my car.  I took it for an estimate this morning and it was $1,810.  It’s not smashed in or anything, just scraped a lot of parts.  I have to cough up $500 deductible and it will take a week to fix my car and then I’ll have to drive a rental for a week.  Shitty timing, too, cause I just changed insurance companies to get a lower rate.  I have it booked for repairs the week of the 18th.

 

Then last night I got my tax prep back and I OWE $625 to the IRS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I changed my deductions at work to have more taken out so I won't have to pay in again next year– then that’s a smaller paycheck.  K  It’s always something. Since my DD moved out I don’t have any deductions now and I don't own a house anymore.  My salary is just enough that I don't make good money but I don't make bad money either.  UGH!!! It's always something. 

 

It's hard to handle all this pressure being alone and single, no one to lean on for support.  On one hand I feel good being able to handle everything on my own and being independant, but on the other hand, it would be nice to have help once in a while, too. Nothing to do but keep pushing forward, doing the best I can and hoping for the best.

 

I wish it was spring.  I miss the sunshine and the warm air.

Emotions Running High

I'm still at it, although not as strong as I'd like to be.  I have that rut feeling again and I don't know how to shake it.  I don't know if it's hormonal or what because why do I keep bouncing back and forth between feeling great and having this feeling of being stuck in a rut?  Anyway, I don't like it and I'm trying to shrug it off.

I watched Biggest Loser last night, that's always good for motivation.  During the show I decided to write down things that the contestants or trainers would say that I could read over and over to keep me motivated.  Here are a few that I like:

• Don't come from a place of fear.  Fear is what got you where you are now.


• Get sick of being afraid.


• The best way to lead is by example.


• Take your fear and turn it into hard work and dedication.


• My life is in my hands.

I need to channel my emotions from being a lonely empty-nester into exercise instead of repressing them which in turn makes me want to get off track.  I think it's even worse becasue I'm single.  I'd like to meet someone but in order to meet someone half decent, I need to get myself into shape.  It's a vicious circle that I need to get out of.  I think the key is to rechannel these emotions elsewhere.  Now to do it.  I put a post-it with motivational phrases on it on my bathroom mirror so I can read them over and over when I'm getting ready for work.

I've been having to fill in for my supervisor at work in addition to being slammed at my own job and I've been feeling quite overwhelmed for the past week or more.  Alot of the stuff that I'm working on in my own office has tight deadlines and then filling in for my supervisor (who works for a very busy VP) has definitely kept me on my toes.  So far so good though and I believe this is good experience for me to line me up for something else down the road.  Looks like my supervisor will be out for a while, too; she had to go out of state to visit her father who is pretty close to being on his deathbed.

The weather is a little warmer today so I might get out and walk this evening.  I think some fresh air would do me good.