Hanging Tough

I've been struggling lately but I'm hanging tough. I've been having some bizarre dreams lately and I think it's this emotional stuff trying to come out. But what REALLY is the emotional stuff?  IDK but I'm going to try to work on it this weekend, sitting quietly and thinking and writing stuff out. The only thing I can think of is about my fear of being alone/abandoned.  Not sure...

Last evening walking buddy and I got in a mile and a half; I would have liked to have gotten in more but she can't walk as fast as I'd like to so I have to keep her pace. I sure was pushing her though, she was huffing and puffing.  Having a walking buddy is a mixed blessing.  Came home from walking and watched a few more episodes of Downton Abbey.  I'm almost caught up to date now.  That show is GOOD!

I'm finally back to just doing my own job at work after covering for my supervisor for a month so I'm taking tomorrow off.  Not sure what I'll get in to but it will be nice to sleep in.  Saturday DD and I are going shopping out of town for house stuff.  She just moved into a new place and wants to feather her nest too.  It will be nice to have a change of scenery and spend the day with my best girl. 

Have a glorious weekend, all!

Where is the sun?

The weather here has been cloudy and/or raining for a while.  I'm so ready for the sun!  (11 days until DST, lol!)

Last night walking buddy and I walked a mile and half before it got too dark, better than nothing.  Came home and ate dinner and watched BL. 

 **SPOILER ALRET**  As usual I wrote down several quotes from the espisde that inspired me.  Here are a few that I chose last night:

• I have a choice today to change my life


• Take pride in yourself


• Fear can paralyze or motivate us


• Let go of things you can't control


• You gotta save yourself


• Make sure you do things for yourself first

And the best quote from Jillian to Gina:  "Everything that you give and do for other people, if you give and do for yourself the emptiness will go away."

Jeff and Jackson kicked ass at home on their own for a week!  I really like Jackson and his positive attitude,  I'd love to see him get slim by the finale (I hope he makes it!).  He and Danni are my favorites.  Sooo... we are stuck with the dreaded Gina for another week.  I could have slammed her when she won that challenge and was screaming and crying, arms and legs flailing all the way down from the top of the building.  I can't believe she is doing so well with the weight loss considering her shitty attitude, plus she is getting small to still be having those big losses.  It has to end sometime as I think that her newfound "positive attitude" will.

I didn't really care one way or the other about Alex getting the boot but she did look amazing and happy on her at-home reveal.  I almost didn't recognize her.  I'm SO EXCITED for makeover week next week, especially with TIM GUNN! (*Imagine Tim Gunn voice*  "Designers.." LMAO!)

**END SPOILER**

No much to report today, as you can tell.  Make it a great day!

Filling the Void

I lost .8 this week.  I'll take it.

Not much to report on the weight loss front.  I didn't exercise all weekend but I kept busy and on the go between cleaning and shopping.  I did ALOT of shopping over the weekend -  I didn't emotional eat but I filled the "void" with shopping.  (Is one as bad as the other?) I bought myself some workout clothes and I bought alot of stuff for the house.  I switched out curtains, moved some furniture around, put out new accessories, bought a new comforter and bedskirt.  I'm feathering my nest and it feels wonderful.  The house feels fresh and it's so girly.  Lord, help me if/when I find a man and have to put his "man stuff" in my house, lol.  As for now, I'm enjoying a prissy, girly house.

Tonight is walking with walking buddy again.  My new shoes gave me a blister.  I think they may be a little too big.  Damn.  I need a half size and they don't have half sizes in that shoe.  Too late to take them back either since I wore them outside.  Oh well, thicker socks, maybe?

The Woman in Black...

...has got to go.  I always wear black clothes.  I guess it's a combo of wanting to hide and thinking that a big body stands out less if it's not in bold colors, but I'm sick of it.  I don't want warm weather to roll around again and I'm still wearing black like every other year.  I know I will feel better if I wear more color so that's my goal for the spring, plus to get some more cute jewelry.  Last evening when I went to the mall for the shoes I walked by CJ Banks and saw that they were having a huge sale and I popped in on a whim and I found a few great deals.  I bought 2 metallic (a gold and a silver) sleeveless turtlenecks ($10 each! - regular $40!) that could be worn now under something or in the summer alone with a nice pair of dress pants.  I also found a cute short sleeve blue and white jacket (also $10 each - regular $60!) that could be dressy or casual.  This is not stuff that I would usually buy but I'm trying to go in a different direction so why not?

These are the shoes that I ended up getting.  I wasn't sure about the color at first, I thought they might look too mannish, but, again, I wanted something different and that would hide dirt and be comfortable when I work at the greenhouse.  The reviews on these were great and I'm hoping that they will make me feel so good that I'll want to walk miles and miles.  I'm going to try them out this evening.

I feel good focusing on myself for a change.  It's about time.  I'm working on my plan to be kinder to myself which will help with my emotional eating.

I CANNOT WAIT until the time changes (only 16 more days until DST!) and until it starts getting warmer.  February is such a depressing month.

New Kicks?

After work today I'm going to hit the mall in seach of a new pair of walking shoes.  I've been looking online all morning and I think I'm leaning towards a pair of Reebok ZigLites or Flex.  I'll have to see what is available at the mall.  The reviews on all are great so it will boil down to what's in stock and, of course, fit.  I'm hoping for a nice cushiony shoe that will make me want to walk every damn day, lol!  Wish me luck!

I'm still covering two offices at work; it's been a month now.  hopefully this will be the last week.  I can handle it but I feel like I need a long weekend or something.  Not much else to report today.  I'm off to see what everyone else is up to.

Just Believe

This week I only lost .2  Blah.  I know I could have done alot better but I let my tracking slip over the weekend.  I think know that I have a negative soundtrack that constantly plays in my mind and gets louder and louder at first sign of my slipping up.  I wish I could find the volume button, better yet, the power button to stop it from playing.  I know that alot of the self-sabotaging voices/thoughts come because I think of how I gained all of the weight back.  (You can't do this - why are you even trying?  You're just going to gain the weight back again!  Yeah, you might feel good now but you know that sooner or later you're going to slip up...) I need to believe in myself and tune the negativity out.  I struggle with this daily.  I think most of us do.  I must find a way to overcome it or I will never get anywhere and if when I do lose the weight again, it will surely come back on.  I'm my own worst enemy.  It's all a head game. 

I made a trip to Costco last night and bought a bunch of fish (I love their tilapia loins) and vegetables.  I'm going to make oven fish packets for dinner.  I also bought mango salsa to put on my fish for something different, but then I caved and bought a massive bag of tortilla chips (to eat with the salsa when I'm not putting it ont he fish, of course!)  I know that chips can be dangerous for me so I'll give my DD the majority of them when she comes over.  I am proud that I just looked at all the sweets and didn't buy ANY!

I also like Mel's idea of buying a Zero scale.  Hmmm...something to think about...

Liebster Blog <3

The word Liebster means "Beloved" in German and this award, presented to my by Sunny, is a show of love and support and to draw attention to bloggers with fewer than 200 followers.  Here's how it works:

• Each blogger with post 11 randon facts about themselves


• Answer the questions the tagger has set for you


• Nominate three new bloggers


• Come up with 11 questions for your nominees


• Go to their page and inform them they've been nominated


• No tag backs!

Now, the 11 random facts about myself:

1.  I was married for 16 years.  We separated after 9 years for 4 months, got back together for 7 years and then split for good in 2007.  Still not divorced.  (I can't afford it and he won't initiate it.  Gah!)

2.  I played clarinet for a year in junior high school (Dork!)

3.  I love to thrift shop and to buy old furniture to repaint/refinish to match my shabby/cottage/vintage style.

4.  I've worked weekends at a greenhouse in the spring for the past 3 years and plan to do it again this year.

5.  I'm an introvert/homebody who would rather spend a quiet evening in rather than a night out on the town.

6.  I lost 63 pounds in 2010 and have since gained it all back, plus a few more.  :(

7.  I grew up in Pennsylvania and moved to Virginia in 1989 at age 20.

8.  I recently bought a Canon DSLR camera with a couple of different lenses and plan to take a photography class this summer.

9.  I love to read - especially magazines.

10.  I was on TV once.  I was on a kid show called Romper Room when I was about 5 or 6.  (Anyone remember that show?)

11.  I enjoy gardening - flowers and vegetables.

Any now Sunny's questions for me:

1.  What is your favorite color and why?  I don't have a favorite color, I like alot of colors but I'm currently loving aqua and pink becasue it goes with my shabby decor.

2.  Morning, noon, or night; favorite time of day?  Morning is my favorite time of day.  I love watching the sun rise, hearing the birds sing, drinking that first cup of coffee and wondering what the new day holds for me.

3.  Mountains or beach, and why?  Beach.  No question.  Why?  The smell, the breeze, the waves, the relaxation, the beauty, the mystery of what lies beneath.

4.  Favorite method for losing weight?  Weight Watchers.  It helped me drop the weight before and I know it works.  I used to belong, but no longer, although I still follow the program on my own.

5.  Favorite Type of exercise?  Walking.  Doesn't cost anything and it clears my mind.

6.  If you could invite 4 living, famous people to dinner, who would it be?  Oprah, Johnny Depp, Paul McCartney and the Dalai Lama.  (Wouldn't that be an interesting dinner party?)

7-9.  Favorite 3 TV shows?  Biggest Loser, American Pickers, Downton Abbey

10.  Top 2 favorite musical artists?  The Rolling Stones and Eric Clapton

Done!  Wow, that was alot of work so I'm going to stop here and choose not to nominate anyone.  I hope you enjoyed reading random facts about me.