One day at a time.

I'm trying desperately to regain my motivation. My eating was pretty good yesterday except I'm having a hard time drinking more water. Last evening I walked 2.5 miles outside. I enjoy being out in the the fresh air and sunshine. I think I will alternate days between walking and a dvd workout. I will aim for 6 days a week. I've started checking off the days on the calendar that I have on the fridge so that I can see how many days I've exercised that week, hoping that it will motivated me.

I weighed in this morning at 238.4. OMG! I have TOM but still... My daughter and her BF bought the Insanity workout and have just started it. I watched the infomercial for it and was looking at the before and afters. I weigh alot more than the men do at their "before" stage. Holy shit. I feel really gross lately, between being fat, a bad new haircut, same-old-same-old clothes, shoes, accessories. I need to treat myself to something new. I would always buy stuff for the house because it is easier than shopping for stuff for myself. I don't have to worry about trying it on or how it will fit. I would buy stuff for the house before I would buy myself something that I needed. I need to start making myself a priority. I scheduled myself for a pedicure this Saturday at the spa where my daughter works. I'll start with that. Maybe I will treat myself to a new pair of sandals to show off my pedicure.

One day at a time on the path to learing to love myself.

What does it take to get motivated?

I can't get motivated to save my soul! I'll do good for a day or two and then I will slide right back into the fat pit. The hell of it is that I know how good I will feel after a few days on track, of exercise, clean eating, vitamins, exercise... so what is my problem? Emotional eating is my problem.

How did I get and keep that motivation before when I lost 60 pounds? I must somehow find it again. I must do this for myself. I think before that I never really liked myself or I wouldn't have let myeself become obese. I've learned to like myself (I'm working on loving myself) and I want better for myself. I want deserve to be slim and healthy. After recently becoming an empty nester I've realized that I'm not so bad after all. It's time to move into the next phase of my life. It's time to find a mate to share the rest of my life with. And I know to catch a big fish you gotta' have good bait.

Kettlebell Workout

Well, I made it through the Bob Harper kettlebell workout last evening.  There were some parts that I couldn't do (mountain climbers and cliff scalers) yet but I did the rest of it, it lasted 50 minutes. I can see where this workout could really firm up your arms and abs. I like the video and can see myself doing it again without getting sick of it.  Bob is not annoying like some of the trainers on other dvds. I used a 10 pound kettlebell and this was plenty for a beginner like me. I think I will alternate this workout with some other type of exercise, I think it would be too much to do it everyday and my arms would turn to jello.

My eating was pretty good yesterday with the exception of me eating ALOT of corn nuts, LOL, of all things. I can see where this is a trigger food for me and that I should not keep them in the house. I tell myself that I will only eat a little bag at a time but it doesn't happen that way, they call to me from the cabinet and I cannot be trusted with them.

I must drink more water today.

Pushing On

I did not eat well over the weekend. I did, however, buy a new workout outfit and a 10 pound kettlebell. I've been wanting a kettlebell forever.  I have a Bob Harper kettlebell workout dvd that I found at Goodwill for $3.95. I will do my best at it this evening. Eating today has been on track. I can't seem to get my water in though.

I watched Extreme Makover Weight Loss Edition last night.  The man that was on there went through ALOT of rough patches (a breakup, death of a son) and he still lost 200 pounds in one year. He said that the key is learning to love yourself. I know that's part of my issue. I like myself, but I'm still learning to love myself. Pushing on...

Made it through another day

Last evening I forced a two mile walk.  I ate fairly well yesterday and saw another drop on the scale. (235.2)  Lord, help me through the weekend...

Return to Exercise

Well, last evening I swore to myself that I would exercise. It sure is hard getting in gear after all that time off. I did a 45 minute exercise video and I was ready to fall over by the time I completed it - but I did it. I keep telling myself to push forward through this first week because it is the roughest and I know the great feeling that is in store for me once I get over this hump. I keep thinking about how great and energized I used to feel after exercise and the excitement of seeing the scale go down. I know how good eating right and exercise can make me feel and I so badly want to be there again. I must keep pushing forward, one day at a time, until the feeling returns.

This morning I saw a drop on the scale. I weighed in at 235.6

A New Stage in My Life

Alot has happend since I've been here last.  The biggest one being that I'm now officially an "empty nester". My DD/best friend has flown the coop to move in with her BF. I think this is especially hard since I am single. I have been doing alot of emotional eating and have gained alot of weight since I've last been here.  (I weighed in at 237.4 this morning.) So that means that I've gained back all but 5 pounds of the 63 that I lost.

I've realized that this is a new stage in my life and it's time to get my ass in gear and create a life for myself which means losing weight, getting healthier, embracing my new freedom and getting out of the house more.  I've also realized that when I did the best losing weight is when I blogged. So here I am. Again.