Weight = 240
I haven't even been trying to watch what I eat or exercise in the past week. I've been struggling with alot of emotional issues that I think are tied to my empty nest syndrome. Here is what has been going on:
Last night I was watching Extreme Makeover Weighloss Edition. The man that was on there trying to lose weight brought up the subject of his mothers death. This really hit home with me and I started crying uncontrollably. A red light went off and told me that apparently I have unresolved issues regarding my mothers death. When I thought about my mother I think that what bothers me the most is that I miss her and I'm so sad that she's not here right now to share her wisdom with me, to cook with and share her recipes that are only stored in her head and to see me and my daughter now. I miss her terribly. When I think back, right about the time that she got sick with cancer is the time that I started gaining all this weight. I'm going to write a letter to her and pour out all of my feelings on paper to see if I can get it all out instead of keeping on stuffing my emotions down with food.
I think that I have unresolved issues regarding my failed marriage also. I wrote a fake letter to my estranged husband telling him that I'm sorry that I couldn't be the wife that he needed me to be and that I forgive him and wish him well and have no hard feelings toward him. I also thanked him for giving me a beautiful daughter. It felt good to get it out on paper. It's time to move on. I just feel like a failure that I was married for 16 years and couldn't make it work, but it takes two, I know.
Then there is the empty nest issue that I'm dealing with right now. I know I need to find activities and keep myself busy, get out there and meet new people and all that good stuff...that is easier said than done for me. I know if I don't deal with these issues that I will never be able to keep any weight that I lose off. It's like putting a band-aid on a broken arm. I need to go inside to fix it so that I can heal. I thought about going to see a therapist but I doubt that I could afford it, even with my insurance so that's why I'm trying the letter writing thing and praying. Addressing the problem is a huge start. I'm hoping that I'm on the right track. ::fingers crossed::
I watched that same episode. That man was amazing with what he accomplished and learned to accept.
ReplyDeleteOver the last several years, my life has been incredibly tough and I've had to relearn so much, start over, go in a different direction and basically, remake myself. I know, I'm still working on the weight part. Anyhow, if you're honest with yourself, you're far ahead of most people and well, you will adapt and grow and believe it or not, be really happy again.
If I was on your coast, we'd definitely be friends.
Hugs.
I appreciate your support, hank! Sounds like we have alot in common. I feel like I've had to reinvent myself over the past several years, too (loss of mother, loss of job and new career, failed marriage, empty nest, living alone...). It helps so much to talk to someone who can relate. I keep telling myself that this too shall pass and that change doesn't have to be bad. I know that I'm a stronger person for it, though, and that this is all setting me up for something great in my future.
ReplyDeleteI wish you were on my coast coz you're someone that I'd like to be friends with. :)